Serious

'How do you think your writing style is like?"
'What do you mean?'
'As in, do you write happy things or emo stuff more?"
'Oh, I never write emo stuff! It's all happy and all'


I think I need to correct myself. I almost never write happy things anymore. Happy, meaning like how I used to write. I was more adventurous with my vocabulary and you can really sense what kind of person I used to be like. I was bubbly, dare I say it. My posts were all light, very much unlike my recent entries. Even when my post IS about something I love, the seriousness is there. A tinge of it, if not a lot. I like to think getting serious is a one of the pros of growing up. People tend to trust you more when you're not bouncing around with your witty remarks. People can rely on you more, I think? I like being relied on on certain things. I can't help but think I'm important in some ways. Having the impression that you're quite as important gives me a boost in confidence. Like a major boost.


Problem is... I'm not getting it. My confidence, very much like dust, gets swept away easily. A hurtful remark, an example. Or when I don't do well. I like to think I'm persistent, but I dont believe that anymore. Times like this, I just cannot trust myself, trust that I've gotten so far. Everything's so fucking confusing. Can I do it, or...can i not?