If I could turn back time;

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Flo's post inspired me to write this entry. In her post today, she talked about her best friends; and for a while, I felt a pang of remorse and bitterness. There are not without reasons, of course. Four of us, we used to be inseparable. Almost everyday we got to see each other, and together, laughter is something that is always heard, happiness is always felt. Yes, there are petty feuds once in a while because there is a distinct difference between us character-wise, but we stuck together. Over the years, we made through the hard and easy times as a team. We shared priceless memories. We study. We play. We celebrate.



Things went weird this year. Thinking back, it really is quite ironic. Initially, I thought our friendship was going to turn distant for sure as I was gonna continue my studies in Singapore. It didn't happen though; so I end up in Taylor's with the three of them. However, that didn't mean everything would remain just the same as you left it. Things changed. We see more of each other's flaws than strength now. Between us, there was discontentment. I don't know who's at fault for not trying hard enough to save our broken friendship, but I admit I am part of the fault. I didn't hold on to it more tightly, and I sometimes feel sorry for that. I'm not saying me and my three good friends fell apart totally. It didn't. We still talk. Only, not as often; and that's wild because we only live one floor apart.



Maybe I just didn't know how to organize my time. I didn't know who to spend more time with. There were so many people around. For some complicated reasons, I sacrificed them. I chose my boyf, my twin and my childhood friend. Absolutely no regrets for choosing the latter, but I regret letting the three good friends go too. I don't know why I did what I did but I didn't think much at that time. I was naive and certain nothing could come between us. I was wrong. Something did come between us. Distance. With each passing day, we drifted further and further apart. I know no one likes to admit it, but I was sure there was some bad-mouthing going on in between. Mocks. Scorns. Negative remarks. Hurt.



The hurt. It's like a wildfire. It may never stop, but we put behind these things when we're really faced-to-faced with each other. Despite us falling apart, we can never be...not friends. There is too much in us. We had too much memories together. Too many reminders from the past- happy ones. On passing each other on the corridor, we still greet each other, we still ask how's each other's day. Sometimes, I go to their rooms, trying to have a light chat, trying to crumble the barrier between us. I have tried, but I think I'm may be too late.



We might never be the best friends we once were, but I like to believe we won't fall apart till the extent of totally ignoring each other either. I believe we won't. I will never let the boyf, the twin and the childhood friend go because they mean the world to me, but do know you guys are significant in my life too. I miss you three sometimes.



ps: you know who you are.